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Ask a Psychotherapist – Week 10

March 13, 2013   ·   2 Comments

Question:

My ex-husband is getting remarried. The initial reason for our marriage break-up was infidelity on his part. After the marriage break-up, my daughter confided to me that he would visit her in the night and molest her. The abuse started when she was 17. She said she was reluctant to tell me when my ex and I were together because she thought I was happy (I was). She is unwilling to charge him because she can’t cope with the legal process. She is receiving counselling however suffers from depression. The lady he is marrying has two young teenage daughters. What should I do?

Answer: I’m sorry that you’re faced with such a difficult and painful situation, especially your daughter’s ongoing distress and no doubt your own. I’m glad to hear that your daughter is receiving professional help to deal with her depression. While forgiveness is not essential in a case like this, finding a way to limit the impact of the abuse on a person’s future is. You may wish to consider getting some help for yourself as well to assist you in dealing with the outrage and grief caused by this stunning betrayal by someone you thought you knew and once loved.

Because your ex-husband’s new step-daughters are under 18, I suggest that you contact the Children’s Aid Society (CAS) in your area and report your concerns for their well-being. You can report the situation anonymously to CAS by blocking your phone number when you call and telling them that you wish to remain anonymous. You could raise your concerns about not involving your daughter in any legal proceedings and inquire about ways of protecting her from any possible backlash from your ex-husband if he is investigated by the CAS. They will be able to outline your options, having handled many similar situations in the past.

I sincerely hope that you and your daughter are able to find healing and peace.

Alison Kerr, Ph.D.,

Psychotherapist can be reached at 905 936-2400 or

allikerr@rogers.com

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